I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
