I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
