Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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