Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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