I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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