after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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