I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My dick has a subreddit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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