Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
