My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize