its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This house was built for laser tag.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
