dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
A+ Viking dick
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
