First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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