I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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