3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
