Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
