Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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