You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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