woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
