Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize