I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
