I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
