and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
