You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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