I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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