When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
