Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
