i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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