Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
