Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
