We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
