i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
