Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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