i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
