I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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