I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize