got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
