too bad you live with your parents still
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
