I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
