I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
