a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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