If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
