How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The ass gains better be worth it
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