Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
