Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
