Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize