Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i now understand why vodka
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
