Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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