The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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