Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
