Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
