FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is my gift to your gina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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