I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
