On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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