STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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