Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
