and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
