My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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