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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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