im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
