My nipple is on Facebook.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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