wake up i wanna do it froggy style
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
