he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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