I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
