why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
