he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
