yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
