Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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