So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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