either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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