I showed him my bush... on skype.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
this hospital has no fireball
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
how does that bad decision feel?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
