Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
