Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
