i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
