I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
