the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Boobs are out for the taking
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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