We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
