was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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